I'm in a creative writing class this semester again. I'm not sure if I've mentioned that already but if not, there you are. I've learned a whole heck of a lot about writing just in the half of a semester I've been in it. One of our textbooks is "Writing Fiction" by Janet Burroway and I highly recommend it if you're thinking about writing. It's got some really good stuff. Anywho, I wrote in an earlier post a segment from a story I wrote called Merriam and Ernest. I wrote it over a year ago, I think, and reading back over it this semester I kind of hated the way it was written. So I revised it. Obviously it's still a work in progress but I think it's come a long way from the first draft. I talked to my professor about it and he's told me the main thing I need to fix, which I agree with and I'll probably get around to it eventually. Maybe not for another year! I'm such a procrastinator. All pacing issues aside, here is the revised first half of Merriam and Ernest:
My name is Merriam Entwistle and I am going to die.
I’m standing at the door of Death’s cab and all I need to do is pull the handle… I can’t quite bring myself to do it yet, but it’s only a matter of time. What brought me to this point? Sure, I’ll tell you. I won’t tell you all of it; I’ll spare you the gory details; no one should have to carry that on their shoulders. You see where it’s gotten me? You see how it’s pushed me to the brink of destruction? I broke people that I couldn’t put back together, myself included. All the king’s horses and all the king’s men-- you know? I’ve never appreciated that story quite like I do now. Death is waiting in the taxi for me but I think he’ll have to wait. Someone needs to know.
Fall.
The year is 2010. Merriam is 22 years old and she has never been in love. Vulnerability is not in her vocabulary. She triumphs in breaking hearts and has never been ashamed of that fact. She has decided that she is the epitome of sovereignty. The balmy sunshine reflects off of her skin as she lies in the courtyard of her musty 2 bedroom flat. The last breeze of summer blows her hair all around her face like tentacles and she closes her eyes. Winter will be an awful juxtaposition after such a lovely season. She thinks only of the sun on her skin; feels it in every molecule of her soul, throughout every bone, vein and muscle. She imagines the color yellow slowly soaking through her body. It starts in her heart and flows like an ethereal liquid through her arms, legs, fingers, toes, covering her in a blanket of bullion. She is a golden statue.
Suddenly, a weight hits her leg. It is not a heavy weight, but the surprise catches her off guard and the magic yellow rushes out of her all at once. Her eyes open to see a plastic disk, scratched and encrusted with dirt, on the ground a few inches to the right of her leg. She looks around to find the culprit and her eyes find another pair: cool, spring green.
“Hey,” A boy, at least he looks young enough to be a boy, jogs over to her and she watches him as he stoops to grab the Frisbee. “Sorry about that…Did you, uh, wanna play?” He flicks the flaxen hair out of his eyes and gives her a toothy grin. Suddenly the color floods back into her body, only this time it is green.
Winter.
Merriam pulls her coat down over her hands to protect them from the biting cold and puffs warm air into the end of each sleeve. Ernest trots along beside her like an eager puppy. They have been inseparable since the very first moment their eyes met. They were Bonnie and Clyde, Batman and Robin, Johnny and June. They gossip, they laugh, they whisper; ‘inseparable’ never had meaning to her before now. They are an endless ring of eternity, forever and always.
Their shoes tap the sidewalk with every step. Ti-tap ti-tap, ti-tap ti-tap. She asks about the best Christmas gift he’s ever gotten and he tells her about the time his parents gave him a fake lottery ticket.
“I really thought it was real,” he says “I almost started crying. That’s how excited I was.”
“That’s horrible!” Merriam shivers as she wipes laughter from her eyes with her sleeve.
“What about yours?” Ernest meets her eyes and her cheeks bloom.
“I can’t remember my last real Christmas. After my mother died, Dad just stays in his room all day. Sometimes even for Boxing Day.”
Ernest grabs her sleeve-covered hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. “We’ll have one this year.” His smile is warm and pink.
They walk in thoughtful silence around the park behind her flat. Almost every day, they walk and they talk about something new as the trees beside their path lean in to listen. When the wind blows, Merriam swears she can hear them giggling along with her. The last leaves of the season litter the ground in broken, scattered masses. There is no crunch left in them but Merriam steps on them anyway, just in case, as she looks across the desolate expanse of the park. The swings hang pathetically, wasting time until they can hear the sound of children’s laughter again. Flat, grey canvas covers up the sun and traps the frigid winter in the world below. Merriam doesn’t remember what it feels like to have thawed toes.
“Have you ever been in love?” Earnest says. He keeps his eyes on the ground.
“Nah, I haven’t. It all seems like a lot of hoopla to me. People think they’re in love and then their wives cheat on them or their husbands never come home from work.” After thirty yards of silence, Merriam knows Ernest does not share her view. “Have you?”
“Twice. Twice, I thought I was.”
“You thought?”
Ernest smiles. “I thought. Once in high school but she cheated on me with my cousin and told me she had never loved me. The second time was…” He watches the swings rock thoughtfully in the wind. “Well I guess, uh, she didn’t return my sentiments.”
“See? Hoopla.” They chuckle. Fifty yards and halfway around the park later, Merriam catches his eyes on her face. He jerks his head slightly but changes his mind a fraction of a second later and continues to watch her.
“Your lips are turning blue. Let’s get you home.”
Spring.
The weather is finally warm again. Every day after class at the community college, Merriam does homework in the courtyard on her quilt. Ernest makes her dinner every couple days after work and they laugh at Will and Grace reruns. Tonight it was shepherd’s pie.
“I’b neber had Sheberd’s Bie before!” She says a few bites into the meal.
“Do you love it?”
“Yef, I do!”
Ernest wipes his plate clean with a slice of bread and Merriam grabs the serving spoon. “Want some more?”
“Merri, what am I to you?” He abruptly takes his eyes from his plate to meet her gaze.
“Wha?” Her hand freezes on the spoon.
“What am I to you?”
“D-did you want any more pie?”
“Are we just really good friends?”
“It’s still kinda warm…it’s always better on the first day.”
“Mer?”
She looks blankly at him and her eyes flick down to her hand on the spoon. Ernest rises from his chair and closes the distance between them with one stride. His hand rests on her cheek and he coaxes her face up to look at his. His eyes dart back and forth between hers, pleading for answers. Slowly, ever so slowly, he crouches down until his lips are just a paper’s breadth from hers. Her hands tense and her brows knit together as Ernest presses them to hers. The scent of too much cologne paws at her nose. Time seems to stop, if only for those 2.9 brief seconds.
Merriam closes her eyes and her mind goes blank. Just good friends, she thought. Hadn’t she just been thinking about how platonic they were? Wasn’t she just delighted with how easy they could be? Reshape the mold of their relationship? Could she do it? Could she? Well? It all seems like a lot of hoopla to me. Her own words run through her mind. She takes his love, like a pebble, and locks it away in the back of her mind; her treasure chest. When she can’t see it, it can no longer worry her.
An emotion flickers across Ernest’s face but before she can decipher what it is, he hides it. “Goodnight Merriam.” He stops to take a last look at the back of her head before closing the door, leaving her alone in the flat.
Summer.
At first, they don’t see each other at all. Not for a couple weeks. Then they talk about the weather. Eventually she gives a sincere, hearty laugh at one of his jokes and he beams. She never does mention the kiss to him again. She wonders if he has thought about it at all. As summer progresses, the rip in the tapestry of their friendship mends. They are best friends again, on and on and on.
“Do you remember when I told you I’d been in love twice?”
“Yes?” Merriam glances sideways at him and presses her lips together.
“Did I ever tell you about the second time?”
“You said a girl in high school cheated on you and that the other girl didn’t feel the same about you.”
Ernest is silent. All but his hand, doodling absently on a napkin with her favorite blue marker, is carved from stone.
“His name was Kyle.”
Monday, October 29, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
Denver
So I wrote...and it's really dark again. I guess I just like to write about things I don't understand very well to try to understand them. There was a reason I wrote it and I really hope that if anyone guesses the reason, they don't find it disrespectful or irreverent. I was only using writing to explore an idea I'm unfamiliar with. Do I like it? Well, I just don't know!
Humming fills the tiny bathroom. It is an eerie, doleful tune of times come and gone. It doesn’t come from a fan, a light fixture, a pipe; it floats out of the breathless lungs of a man. He stares at his reflection in the chipped mirror that graces nearly every college dorm in America. His face is gaunt and lifeless. The mirror looks back at him. Every emotion he feels is reflected there. The mirror pities him all the way to his very core. It looks into his eyes, traces the shape of his face. His cheeks, at one time so rosy, now hollow. His lips hang slack, although usually pinned up in the permanent goofy grin that so many people know him by. Where there were once endless oceans of blue, only flat, grey iris remains. The mirror glances quickly down to his hand before bouncing back up to his eyes. His fingers are clutched around a cold, hard object no larger than one of the many screenplays that has come to define him.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” He whispers. A note of desperation hangs on his tongue. He tries to swallow it but it gets caught in his throat and he coughs to clear it out. His breath comes out raggedly. His heart beats wildly. His hands shake uncontrollably. “Stop it.” He pleads. “Stop looking at me.” The mirror averts its gaze apologetically. It glances again at his hand. He moves it off the counter, out of view. Guilt threatens to engulf him but he pushes it away. He made a decision. Nothing is going to stop him. He can’t let anything stop him. He continues to hum.
He closes his eyes and is transported back to a place that wasn’t so dark. He feels the stage beneath his feet. The smell of freshly painted plywood fills him up. A huge spotlight shines down right on him. Thousands watch as he turns into someone else. He is Curly. He is the Phantom. He is Beast. He is anyone he wants to be. He can make them feel anything he needs them to; sadness, happiness, tension, anger. He makes them feel like part of his world. They make him feel alive. He opens his eyes and the audience disappears. The stage, the lights, the houses and rooms on wheels all disappear. It’s only him and the mirror. Those times and those people seem so very far away. He wonders if his name ever crosses their mind.
He thinks of people to keep his mind off what he’s about to do.
His grip tightens on the object in his hand.
He thinks of his friends, now all over the country striving to become something.
His hand pulls above the countertop; the mirror gasps.
He thinks of his first love, married to another man.
His chin rests gently on top of the cool metal.
He thinks of his sister, just about to graduate high school.
His skin aches from the pressure as his finger settles on the trigger.
He thinks of his parents. His mother. Her face fills his mind. He can visualize the way her petite eyebrows knit together in confusion when he does something she doesn’t understand. If she could see him now, her eyebrows would knit together. He was sure of it. He felt guilty that he didn’t explain it to her; couldn’t explain it. He left no reasons or justifications, only one small piece of scratch paper that read “There is no one to blame.” That’s really all he could think to write. That one sentence followed by his name: Denver.
Humming fills the tiny bathroom. It is an eerie, doleful tune of times come and gone. It doesn’t come from a fan, a light fixture, a pipe; it floats out of the breathless lungs of a man. He stares at his reflection in the chipped mirror that graces nearly every college dorm in America. His face is gaunt and lifeless. The mirror looks back at him. Every emotion he feels is reflected there. The mirror pities him all the way to his very core. It looks into his eyes, traces the shape of his face. His cheeks, at one time so rosy, now hollow. His lips hang slack, although usually pinned up in the permanent goofy grin that so many people know him by. Where there were once endless oceans of blue, only flat, grey iris remains. The mirror glances quickly down to his hand before bouncing back up to his eyes. His fingers are clutched around a cold, hard object no larger than one of the many screenplays that has come to define him.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” He whispers. A note of desperation hangs on his tongue. He tries to swallow it but it gets caught in his throat and he coughs to clear it out. His breath comes out raggedly. His heart beats wildly. His hands shake uncontrollably. “Stop it.” He pleads. “Stop looking at me.” The mirror averts its gaze apologetically. It glances again at his hand. He moves it off the counter, out of view. Guilt threatens to engulf him but he pushes it away. He made a decision. Nothing is going to stop him. He can’t let anything stop him. He continues to hum.
He closes his eyes and is transported back to a place that wasn’t so dark. He feels the stage beneath his feet. The smell of freshly painted plywood fills him up. A huge spotlight shines down right on him. Thousands watch as he turns into someone else. He is Curly. He is the Phantom. He is Beast. He is anyone he wants to be. He can make them feel anything he needs them to; sadness, happiness, tension, anger. He makes them feel like part of his world. They make him feel alive. He opens his eyes and the audience disappears. The stage, the lights, the houses and rooms on wheels all disappear. It’s only him and the mirror. Those times and those people seem so very far away. He wonders if his name ever crosses their mind.
He thinks of people to keep his mind off what he’s about to do.
His grip tightens on the object in his hand.
He thinks of his friends, now all over the country striving to become something.
His hand pulls above the countertop; the mirror gasps.
He thinks of his first love, married to another man.
His chin rests gently on top of the cool metal.
He thinks of his sister, just about to graduate high school.
His skin aches from the pressure as his finger settles on the trigger.
He thinks of his parents. His mother. Her face fills his mind. He can visualize the way her petite eyebrows knit together in confusion when he does something she doesn’t understand. If she could see him now, her eyebrows would knit together. He was sure of it. He felt guilty that he didn’t explain it to her; couldn’t explain it. He left no reasons or justifications, only one small piece of scratch paper that read “There is no one to blame.” That’s really all he could think to write. That one sentence followed by his name: Denver.
Monday, February 27, 2012
It's All About Us
I haven't written in foreverrrrr. I haven't written in this blog or at all. How very odd of me! I need to set aside some time every week to just write. Or take another creative writing class, since I liked it so much. Maybe I will!
This summer was one of the best of my life. Probably in the top 3 along with last summer's family vacation to Colorado. Fall was a lot of fun too. Davi and I can really party when we're together. I met a lot of cool people and learned a lot about myself. It's like all that time before was another lifetime or a dream. I suppose that's how I'm going to feel for the rest of my life. This semester is...winter...haha. I work at Charming Charlie, where it takes me 4 hours to earn as much money as my dad makes in about 25 minutes. I think I work there mostly for the social benefits. Sitting in the house all the time would turn me into a crazy person. Aside from that, I spend a lot of time talking to my wondermus boyfriend!
Three days after my last blog entry, I went to California with my roommate and met Jonathan Phillipson! And now we're dating and he is the coolest guy I've ever known! I think I'll make this blog entry about us so that anyone who wants to be in on the story can be, especially my family (some of whom seem to think I'm getting married and forgot to tell them?? haha)
Davi and I decided to live together during the summer and fall and she wanted to go visit her family for a week in the summer so she invited me to go. We went to california and the Saturday that we were there she said she was going to invite her friend to go to the movies with us and that friend was Jonathan! The 3 of us went to get sushi and then went to see the Harry Potter movie. He and I got along so well; we just hit it off right away! I totally had a crush on him (and yes, he has a british accent. I loved it, and I still do!). Monday the 3 of us spent the whole day at Disneyland and on the ride home, Davi fell asleep in the back of the car so he and I just got to talk all the way home. We found out we had a lot of things in common (like we both sleep with a pillow over our face, we hate peanut butter and hate cherry flavored candy but love the actual cherry fruit) and it was so fun to talk to him. Davi was being a little matchmaker so she got him to take off work on that Wednesday to take me on a date. We walked around a shopping center, a mall, Half Price Books, ate at the Cheesecake Factory and we had so much fun just talking and goofing off. He was totally flirting with me! [: At the end of the date, he dropped me back off at Davi's house and got my phone number. We left California that night and I came home to Texas for 2 weeks. We text every day and played "the question game" so we got to know a lot about each other. He made plans to come visit us in Rexburg over thanksgiving break and eventually we got into a routine where we talked on the phone at least once a day and had a skype date once a week. It was really cool that we started out with a long distance relationship because the only thing we could do was talk so we got to know a lot about each other before it was physical in any way (we were dating for almost 3 months before we kissed!). We probably know each other better than a lot of couples that live in the same town. He came to visit over thanksgiving and, even though it was only the first time we'd seen each other since summer, it wasn't awkward at all. We were super excited to see each other and we were pretty inseparable the whole week. It was hard when he left but I finished the semester and came back home for my really exciting 3 month winter break (which I'm currently in the midst of). He took a 2 day train ride (crazy kid) to Texas and stayed in our trailer for 2 weeks. We had so much fun and I can't believe it was only the second time we were actually together as a couple. To date, we've only spent 24 days together but it feels like I've known him my whole life.
He's my best friend. We talk about everything and I've never been able to talk to someone about everything before. We've been dating for almost 6 months...the time has flown by! He's been such a blessing in my life and I love him dearly. And no, we aren't getting married any time soon!! (haha) but I'm excited to see what's in the future for us. Besides everything else, I'm a better person because of him.
This summer was one of the best of my life. Probably in the top 3 along with last summer's family vacation to Colorado. Fall was a lot of fun too. Davi and I can really party when we're together. I met a lot of cool people and learned a lot about myself. It's like all that time before was another lifetime or a dream. I suppose that's how I'm going to feel for the rest of my life. This semester is...winter...haha. I work at Charming Charlie, where it takes me 4 hours to earn as much money as my dad makes in about 25 minutes. I think I work there mostly for the social benefits. Sitting in the house all the time would turn me into a crazy person. Aside from that, I spend a lot of time talking to my wondermus boyfriend!
Three days after my last blog entry, I went to California with my roommate and met Jonathan Phillipson! And now we're dating and he is the coolest guy I've ever known! I think I'll make this blog entry about us so that anyone who wants to be in on the story can be, especially my family (some of whom seem to think I'm getting married and forgot to tell them?? haha)
Davi and I decided to live together during the summer and fall and she wanted to go visit her family for a week in the summer so she invited me to go. We went to california and the Saturday that we were there she said she was going to invite her friend to go to the movies with us and that friend was Jonathan! The 3 of us went to get sushi and then went to see the Harry Potter movie. He and I got along so well; we just hit it off right away! I totally had a crush on him (and yes, he has a british accent. I loved it, and I still do!). Monday the 3 of us spent the whole day at Disneyland and on the ride home, Davi fell asleep in the back of the car so he and I just got to talk all the way home. We found out we had a lot of things in common (like we both sleep with a pillow over our face, we hate peanut butter and hate cherry flavored candy but love the actual cherry fruit) and it was so fun to talk to him. Davi was being a little matchmaker so she got him to take off work on that Wednesday to take me on a date. We walked around a shopping center, a mall, Half Price Books, ate at the Cheesecake Factory and we had so much fun just talking and goofing off. He was totally flirting with me! [: At the end of the date, he dropped me back off at Davi's house and got my phone number. We left California that night and I came home to Texas for 2 weeks. We text every day and played "the question game" so we got to know a lot about each other. He made plans to come visit us in Rexburg over thanksgiving break and eventually we got into a routine where we talked on the phone at least once a day and had a skype date once a week. It was really cool that we started out with a long distance relationship because the only thing we could do was talk so we got to know a lot about each other before it was physical in any way (we were dating for almost 3 months before we kissed!). We probably know each other better than a lot of couples that live in the same town. He came to visit over thanksgiving and, even though it was only the first time we'd seen each other since summer, it wasn't awkward at all. We were super excited to see each other and we were pretty inseparable the whole week. It was hard when he left but I finished the semester and came back home for my really exciting 3 month winter break (which I'm currently in the midst of). He took a 2 day train ride (crazy kid) to Texas and stayed in our trailer for 2 weeks. We had so much fun and I can't believe it was only the second time we were actually together as a couple. To date, we've only spent 24 days together but it feels like I've known him my whole life.
He's my best friend. We talk about everything and I've never been able to talk to someone about everything before. We've been dating for almost 6 months...the time has flown by! He's been such a blessing in my life and I love him dearly. And no, we aren't getting married any time soon!! (haha) but I'm excited to see what's in the future for us. Besides everything else, I'm a better person because of him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)