I finished writing Merriam and Ernest! Perhaps I'll give it a different name now that it's done. I don't know and for some reason I'm really picky about who I let read it. I think only 2 people aside from me have read the entire finished thing. Maybe I'll get over that because I think it's pretty cool; much more interesting when you get the whole thing, rather than just the end.
On an unrelated note I would just like to add that it feels like summer in Rexburg. We've had an accumulation of gorgeous days this week and I want the 7 week break to begin right *now*.
On a second unrelated note, I have to train a yearling for my Animal Handling class. We have 3 weeks to get them up to par (easily caught and saddled, let you clean all 4 feet, yada yada) and, quite honestly, I'm a little nervous. One of our mares is really sweet. She's a red roan and she already lets you touch her legs and stuff. The black mare is a turd. She pins her ears back every time you even try to get near her. I want to name them Strawberry Avalanche and Kamikaze (See what you've done to me?? You know who you are...) I'm probably going to die. It sounds really cool though, right? Not the dying thing. The training thing.
This week's writing is brought to you by...Zebra cakes. They're so good, I could eat 50 in one sitting. In fact, I could probably live off of Zebra Cakes and sour Gummy worms for the rest of my life. Anyway, I wrote this last year in my ACC class thingy (that's Austin Community College for you non-Texans). We were learning about satire and I think it was that we got extra credit if we wrote one. Maybe. I don't remember. So, without further ado, here it is:
Beauty has been one of society’s greatest obsessions since the dawn of time. Everyone wants to be in on the newest fashions or have the most contemporary hairstyles; some even spend thousands of dollars a year on cosmetics and designer clothing. Recent breakthroughs in medicine and technology have even allowed people to alter their physical appearance through cosmetic surgeries. Civilization’s most recent fad is the result of one such breakthrough. This new sensation is feeding the appetites of some of Hollywood’s biggest stars, as well as many of our own humble citizens. Scientists have successfully begun giving people what they want: Third Eye.
Third Eye, in addition to being the new favorite accessory of thousands, has become a beacon in the fashion industry of all that is and all that is yet to come. In order to obtain this superb seer stone, surgeons simply remove a small portion of the skull, which acts as an additional socket. They then cut out a tiny fraction of the brain, but this piece is “insignificant,” says Dr. Lou D Cruss. “Humans hardly use that section anymore.” Surgeons then take the eye from a saline solution and “pop” it right into the newly carved socket. Daily upkeep includes nothing more than specially prescribed eye-drops a few times each day.
“I love it,” says one happy receiver of this fashion forward fad. “I’ve never seen anything quite like it.”
Another fashionista says of the ornament:
“It’s great how they let you pick the eye color. You can match it to your own, or choose that color you’ve always wanted.”
Although vision is not yet available with Third Eye, advances in science are not far behind the people’s demands. Scientists are working with a newly assembled research organization called ‘Let There Be Sight!’ in order to accomplish their goal of granting vision to those with Third Eye.
To those critics of Third Eye, Dr. Cruss says this: “It’s just like getting a tattoo. It’s a way for people to express themselves and if others can’t see that, they aren’t going to fit in with our ever changing society.” Dr. Cruss has also made it clear to critics and fans alike that anyone who changes their mind about Third Eye can always have it removed and the gap closed up.
There are hardly any consequences to speak of and the possibilities are endless with Third Eye. Call your local plastic surgeon and get yours today!
P.S. Guess what the frontal lobe is used for
Nice Satire! My first shot at satire was a flop. I was talking about how students who weren't good students normally would receive reward from their parents for being good students. It peeved me a little. Seemed like unequal treatment, you know? It kind of teaches the wrong thing, too. "Don't work hard until you're sure you can get an immediate reward for it." But I'm rambling.
ReplyDeleteI like the P. S. you threw on the end. And I like the subject of the satire. I would tend to agree with your position.
Also, I'm glad you think I'm special, and I'm sorry.
Thanks, Gabe [: at least I know someone out there is reading/enjoying my blog. I really like reading your *poetry*! I cannot, for the life of me, write a decent poem and I love the ones you posted on your blog.
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